I wish my phone had missiles.

The other night (or rather the other EARLY morning) just before 3:30AM, our phone rang.
You know that ring...the one that makes you jump out of a dead sleep with your adrenaline pumping wondering who died.
We're in the habit of letting the machine pick up for at least the first few words (we don't have caller I.D. on the land line).
It was some girl who sounded half baked and had one of those Valley Girl type accents. She said "like" a lot and pronounced "know" as "new", etc.
Our machine doesn't cut off after a given time, so I ended up getting up to pick up the phone to tell her she had the wrong number, or else she might still be rambling.

Here's the call as transcribed from my machine that caught it all:

Her: Ummm. Hello. This is for my "Dave's Friend" and my name is Tanya. I don't know you from like Adam, but I've heard your name while I was at Dave's house and like...I know you a little bit. I met you a few times and I need to get a hold of Dave...and I was like wondering if you could like help me...but I see you're not home right now, but like...

This is where I picked up the phone and said, "We ARE home right now because it's three thirty in the morning and we're sleeping and we don't know any "Dave". You've got the wrong number.

As if it would change whether or not I knew "Dave", whether or not it was "three thirty A.M.", or whether or not the phone ringing in the dead of the night gave me a coronary, she actually said, "Oh. Well...I really need to get a hold of Dave if you can like help me..."

I said, "Listen. You have. The wrong. Number."
She says "Oh, I'm sorry...I just need to get a message to him, that's all."
I said, "We don't know ANY "Dave". It's 3:30. You have the wrong number. Don't hit "redial". Bye." And I hung up.

Now you might think this was just a random wrong number, but unfortunately "Tanya" has our number written down somewhere and over the last few years she dials it when she gets half baked. Sometimes she calls and leaves messages about being bored. Sometimes she offers to share pot and hang out. Sometimes she leaves naughty messages for Jason. I wonder if Jason knows she's looking for Dave at three thirty in the morning...